Are you shrinking to fit?

I’ve noticed a growing trend lately, and I wanted to write an article about it to make you

aware of what is going on (and it may be happening to you!), and secondly give you some tips on how not to get sucked into it. So what is the trend?

I call it the ‘shrinking violet’ syndrome! It’s when a business woman (I’m pretty sure men do this too, but maybe to a lesser degree) looks around, and decides that she has to fit into the level of income, achievement, and whatever else, that the majority of the people around her are at. Is this you, by any chance? How does this show up in your business?

#1 Not Charging Enough.

You set your prices low, because you decide ahead of time that your potential clients can’t afford to pay more. This starts a whole sequence of events that ends up not only hurting you and your business, but actually the very people you want to help, as well. How does it hurt your potential clients? Well, by assuming they can’t pay more, you don’t hold them as powerful. It’s like selling inferior quality goods at discounted prices: in the end nobody really benefits, and everybody ends up feeling cheap and undervalued. You don’t deliver as good a service, because you don’t feel inspired and appreciated. Everybody is shrinking to fit.

So what should you do instead? First of all, get some coaching, so you can start charging what you’re worth. Hold yourself and your clients as powerful at all times, so that you, as well as they, can keep on expanding and stepping into their greatness…instead of shrinking to fit!

#2 Believing That Fear and Doubt are the Truth.

It’s when you look around and start gathering ‘evidence’ that whatever your next leap is to be, is going to be a monumental failure. Sounds familiar? Believe me, I know what I’m talking about…from first-hand experience. Fear and doubt start creeping in, and that little voice in the back of your head starts telling you that you’re not good enough, and can’t possibly succeed…and what were you thinking in the first place? Then you start asking opinions of your friends and family, and get even more ‘evidence’ that whatever it is you want to do is not going to succeed. You start shrinking to fit; to fit your fear and doubt, and the fear and doubt of everyone around you.

So what should you do instead? Acknowledge your feelings, by all means, but then move past them, dig deep and find the courage within you…and then go and do whatever it is you want to do! This courageous action you’re going to take is more significant than the actual outcome.

#3 Sabotaging Your Success.

You have a strong feeling that if you become more successful than your partner (friend, family member, etc.), they will feel threatened, won’t approve of you, or might even end the relationship. This feeling may not even be fully conscious, so you may not be fully aware that you’re actually sabotaging your success. Your need to belong, be approved of and loved is keeping you from fully stepping into your greatness. Again, you’re shrinking to fit.

What should you do instead? Ask yourself: what if that need for approval were no longer important to me? Then what would I do? How would I show up in my life and business?

Where else have you noticed you’re shrinking to fit? It’s funny, but when you stop shrinking, and start expanding, it’s contagious, and people around you will also start to expand. I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.

With love and bliss,

Julia

“TRUST and ACTION for your 2014 goals!”

As I mentioned earlier in my newsletter, choosing to TRUST your gut sure gets you places. In fact, I’d say that it’s the basic ingredient, without which not much gets accomplished. Do you agree?

As we know, life rarely, if ever, comes with a warranty, so trusting, or having faith really is that important, or else we just kind of stagnate and not accomplish much.

Of course, there is usually a lot of fear associated with taking a leap of faith, or trusting in this way, because we’re leaping into the unknown.

What’s more, trust and faith alone aren’t enough. You really need to take ACTION to achieve your goals. I haven’t really said anything yet that you don’t know already, have I? AND yet, to a lesser or greater degree, we all have problems executing this simple sequence. Why is that?

Because we buy into our fear and doubt, and we believe it…that’s right, we believe it’s the truth, as in fact it’s never the truth!

So how does this relate to your goals for 2014?

It depends on what your goals are, of course. If they’re more or less a repeat of your 2013 goals, then you’re not likely to face a lot of fear and resistance within yourself. If, on the other hand, you’re on a path to success (however you define success), and have a bigger vision, then you know that you have to continually move beyond your comfort zone to get there.

Here are a few tips I want to share with you, to help you achieve your 2014 goals:

Tip #1: First and foremost, make sure you’re clear on what your goals are, or else you can’t really move forward. Once you’re clear, make sure to write them down. Whether it’s on a vision board, a document on your computer, or a plain, old fashioned notebook, write them down somewhere! This simple act of transferring them from your head onto something more tangible already moves you closer to achieving them.

Tip #2: When your fear and doubt gremlins start showing up…and they will, sooner or later…be prepared! Knowing ahead of time that your mind (or your ego) will play this game with you, to try to keep you in the known territory and ‘safe’, makes all the difference. Don’t buy into it! It takes TRUST to feel this fear, and still move forward with your plans, and that’s why this is the topic of today’s article.

Tip #3: Make a plan of action, and follow it! I know it sounds obvious, and I’m sure you’ve heard it a million times before, but there really isn’t another way! Wishing and hoping will not get you there. I’m not saying that visualizations, and playing the ‘as if’ game don’t work, on the contrary. They’re great tools. However, they’re no substitute for a good plan, and ACTION! That’s not to say that plans don’t change, of course they do, but that’s OK. You just adjust the plan, and keep going.

I hope these tips have helped you today, and made things a little more clear. I’d love to hear your input in the comments on my blog. Perhaps you have a strategy that works really well for you, and you’d like to share it…would love to hear!

With love and bliss,

Julia