Are you shrinking to fit?

I’ve noticed a growing trend lately, and I wanted to write an article about it to make you

aware of what is going on (and it may be happening to you!), and secondly give you some tips on how not to get sucked into it. So what is the trend?

I call it the ‘shrinking violet’ syndrome! It’s when a business woman (I’m pretty sure men do this too, but maybe to a lesser degree) looks around, and decides that she has to fit into the level of income, achievement, and whatever else, that the majority of the people around her are at. Is this you, by any chance? How does this show up in your business?

#1 Not Charging Enough.

You set your prices low, because you decide ahead of time that your potential clients can’t afford to pay more. This starts a whole sequence of events that ends up not only hurting you and your business, but actually the very people you want to help, as well. How does it hurt your potential clients? Well, by assuming they can’t pay more, you don’t hold them as powerful. It’s like selling inferior quality goods at discounted prices: in the end nobody really benefits, and everybody ends up feeling cheap and undervalued. You don’t deliver as good a service, because you don’t feel inspired and appreciated. Everybody is shrinking to fit.

So what should you do instead? First of all, get some coaching, so you can start charging what you’re worth. Hold yourself and your clients as powerful at all times, so that you, as well as they, can keep on expanding and stepping into their greatness…instead of shrinking to fit!

#2 Believing That Fear and Doubt are the Truth.

It’s when you look around and start gathering ‘evidence’ that whatever your next leap is to be, is going to be a monumental failure. Sounds familiar? Believe me, I know what I’m talking about…from first-hand experience. Fear and doubt start creeping in, and that little voice in the back of your head starts telling you that you’re not good enough, and can’t possibly succeed…and what were you thinking in the first place? Then you start asking opinions of your friends and family, and get even more ‘evidence’ that whatever it is you want to do is not going to succeed. You start shrinking to fit; to fit your fear and doubt, and the fear and doubt of everyone around you.

So what should you do instead? Acknowledge your feelings, by all means, but then move past them, dig deep and find the courage within you…and then go and do whatever it is you want to do! This courageous action you’re going to take is more significant than the actual outcome.

#3 Sabotaging Your Success.

You have a strong feeling that if you become more successful than your partner (friend, family member, etc.), they will feel threatened, won’t approve of you, or might even end the relationship. This feeling may not even be fully conscious, so you may not be fully aware that you’re actually sabotaging your success. Your need to belong, be approved of and loved is keeping you from fully stepping into your greatness. Again, you’re shrinking to fit.

What should you do instead? Ask yourself: what if that need for approval were no longer important to me? Then what would I do? How would I show up in my life and business?

Where else have you noticed you’re shrinking to fit? It’s funny, but when you stop shrinking, and start expanding, it’s contagious, and people around you will also start to expand. I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.

With love and bliss,

Julia